Reasons I am going to hell

It's my last Friday in Boston for a long time. What better time to reflect on the things I have done during my time here that should get me a personal invite from the little red guy....

• Put old parking tickets on my windshield to throw the meter maid off from re-ticketing my car.
• Continuously stole lunch from the cafetaria upstairs from my office because the cashiers don't give a shit anyways cause they hate their job.
• Told the shoe bomber they'd never check his shoes.
• Put Chuckie Cheese tokens in a homeless person's panhandle cup.
• Faked I was sleeping on the bus so I didn't have to give up my seat for the smelly old guy.
• Added vodka to the gatorade cups at the marathon last April just to spice things up a bit.
• I was really the person that bitch slapped Gary Sheffield in the right field stands at Fenway in May.
• Threw a Rolling stones party from the homeless people's setup under Storrow Drive next to Fenway Park. Hey, they got a grill!
• Didn't envoke my right to marry another woman.
• And then, in the 3rd grade, I did the worst thing I ever done. I made this bottle of fake puke at home and brought it to the movies and during this quiet scene in the movie, I dumped it over the side of the balcony and said, "Hoo-Blaaah, hoo-blaaah! Hoo-blaaaah, hoo-blaaah!"

Thanks Boston! It's been worth the trip to hell....

I mean Maine. Be good while I am gone.