Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Chapter II

Exerpt from I'm a 43 year old busgirl...

On my 28th birthday my mother opted for a present rich in wisdom and advice, instead of something woolly and extra large that I can exchange at the Gap. As I picked up the phone I braced myself for her yearly rendition of the Beatles Birthday Song. In case you are not familiar it includes the time honored verse "bah, nah, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh!" She sings that song every year on all of our birthdays.

After her last phrase of "we're gonna have a good time..." I stopped her in her tracks and pushed the conversation along. This is where the present of words came through the wire.

"So a man gets admitted into the hospital and has open heart surgery," my mother blurts out in the middle of me telling her how broke I am. "After coming out of surgery he is placed in recovery and is lying there with an oxygen mask on his face, when he beckons the nurse over to him."

"How are you feeling, sir? Your surgery went great," the nurse told the man.

"I feel ok, but are my testicles black?," the man asked the nurse.

"Sir, your surgery went great. You had open heart surgery."

"But, nurse, are my testicles black!?," the man asked straight faced.

"Sir, I do not see how that matters right now."

"Nurse, are MY TESTICLES BLACK?," the man said a third time.

"Well, fine, sir, let me check." With that the nurse went underneath the sheets and began to poke around between the man's legs. After a few seconds she came out from under the blankets.

"Sir, your testicles are fine," she said with a puzzling look on her face.

The man removed the oxygen mask from his face and looked shockingly at the nurse.

"Well, that's all fine and good but I was asking you if my test results had come back."

I laughed and thought that was a great joke and waited for my mother to tell me the check was in the mail. After the punchline my mother stated how much she loves telling that story.

"Have a great birthday, Stace. I love you."

"No sweater?"

6 Comments:

Blogger Spexial said...

lmao......your mom is the ultimate funniest!

6:21 AM  
Blogger MaineSqueeze said...

haha street legal bleach!

7:35 AM  
Blogger defiant goddess said...

lol!

7:10 AM  
Blogger Lady Sappho said...

I have heard that one several times, but it ALWAYS makes me laugh.

10:31 AM  
Blogger Spexial said...

alright dammit..where the hell are you!!!???

11:18 AM  
Blogger Spexial said...

and i emailed your ass and it came back to me..what the hell?

7:31 AM  

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